Why Valentine’s Day Sucks (a satire piece)

Let me start off with a sincere apology to those of you who have nothing but good things to say about St. Valentine’s Day. It is not my intention to talk down upon something that can bring people the love it says it will. I am writing this because, I myself, find it to be somewhat of a problematic holiday with a big romantic talk that lacks the credulous runway walk.
A little St. Valentine's Day history:

This candy coated holiday is said to have its origins in the Roman festival of Lupercalia. Apparently, Pope Gelasius I replaced Lupercalia with St. Valentine's Day. It came to be celebrated as a day of romance since the 14th century.

This "romantic" holiday goes back much farther in history than I ever imagined! It also gets to me even more knowing that St. Valentine's Day has some actual valid historical roots. Leave it to humans to turn anything they can into some kind of  propaganda advertisement displayed in a way that, if you don't participate, you're left feeling like the unloved empty box of heart shaped food you ate earlier.

From childhood on up, we are fed this illusion about how you must buy things and have other people buy things so that you may exchange them amongst yourselves and voila, you are loved and adored. I don't think that's the way love works?!

Romantically speaking, normal human experiences that we ALL have had or will have: not dating because you're taking time to do you by intentionally not dating, having recently gone through a tough breakup, or maybe ya just can't find the one thats right for you. These are but a few of the extremely valid reasons that would lead someone to be anything but stoked for the romantic day of the year. When the mascot of the day is a fat baby in a diaper who flies around shooting arrows at people without their permission, I'm gonna laugh myself into a "this is a hilarious joke that cannot be taken seriously" fit.

It sucks when you're in the bathroom while cupid swings through, and you don't have that heart candy #2 red bad aftertaste in your mouth like everyone else.

And when you don’t get that special Valentine’s from our crush or we’ve been single for a few months, the insecurities and self judgments we already strive to ignore can come on strong, and stay strong.

Four reasons why Valentine's Day sucks:…
• Valentine Propaganda: The idea that to be loved and adored requires spending a bunch of money on stuff that nobody really wants.....SCAM! If they love you and you love them, you can show them every other day of the year.
• Unnecessary hurt feelings: Feeling unwanted or unloved just because you don't have a special someone to buy that oversized hallmark card for happens because of the stigmatic hype this holiday carries. Self-judgment and low self-esteem ooze from VD (I mean V-day) like the chocolate fondue you're having for dessert. No Thanks!
• False ideas of love: I myself have experienced the false idea that we must nurture whatever relationship we are in, even if we think we should possibly get out of it. I remember one joyous V-day when my boyfriend at the time and I we're figuring out that we don't belong together. So of course, here comes cupid with his pointy arrows making us think we had to buy each other gifts and celebrate the relationship we both were completely over.
• Expectations: This is a big one. When you just know that your crush knows your obsessed with them, and you know for a fact they're gonna send you a dozen red roses with chocolate covered cherries on top. But when you're hanging around waiting, you see them handing someone else a dozen red roses with a box of chocolate covered cherries on the freakin top.

Sure, we can all get that special Valentine from mom, or your best friend, or that coworker who’s name you can’t seem to remember. But everyone who isn’t getting a bed of roses or eating chocolate covered strawberries from bae isn’t going to be singing “I LOVE VALENTINE'S DAY!” at the top of their lungs.