This is a big week for me as me and my kidney stone are going to finally part ways. I have had this baby for a few years but after I lost all this weight and got active, I jostled it around a bit and jarred that chunk of whatever it is made of, loose. It has been causing me unpleasantness for about two months now and on Thursday we are finally going to have it destroyed.

I will be out of commission on Thursday and through the weekend as I deal with this situation. I am going to have a procedure done called EWSL, which stands for Extracorporeal Shock Wave Lithotripsy. This basically means they will use sound waves to crush the stone into little particles that I should pass easily when I pee. We shall see. I am not looking forward to this whole thing at all. I am not fond of procedures "down there", if you know what I mean. I really don't want anything to go wrong there. I have discussed this procedure with many friends and my own brother Mike, who has had this done twice. He has told me the bare facts about this and no matter how you phrase just doesn't sound very fun. Here are the top 5 things I am not looking forward to about my kidney stone removal.

5 - Peeing Burning Needles - I have been told that the procedure itself, where they put a stent from your kidney to your ureter to "widen the riverbed" if you will, so the particles pass easily and the actual ESWL are not a big deal. You are out for the whole deal. The problem apparently is when you have to pee for the next couple of days. I have been told it feels like you are peeing burning needles. Does not sound fun.

4 - Feeling Like You Were Kicked By a Donkey - It has been said that the sound waves beat your body like a meat tenderizer and the next day or two you feel as if you were kicked in the kidney by a donkey. Does not sound fun

3 - Being a Human See n Say - Remember the old See n Say toy? The one where you would point an arrow at a farm animal and then pull the string and it would make the animal noise the arrow was pointing at? I get to be a human version of that. A week or so after the procedure they have to remove the stent that they put in your ureter. That requires going up your man part to extract it. My brother told me they put him in leg restraints then they give you a shot in the opening of your unit, I can see you squirming, then basically take a needle nose pliers and reach up there and yank that stent out through your you know what. Does not sound fun

2 - Missing the Eagles/Jimmy Buffett Concert - When tickets went on sale for Jimmy Buffett and the Eagles at Coors Field on Thursday the 28th of June, my wife and I were on it. We were determined to get some seats, nose bleed or not, to just sit and listen to Vince Gill sing with the Eagles. We have been waiting for months for this show. Well the day they can do my procedure happens to be the same night so we have to unload our tickets and miss the one show we were so looking forward to. This does not give me a peaceful easy feeling.

1- The Bill - While I am sure this is all going to be a good thing in the long run, I am not looking forward to anything about this process. I know it will not be fun but I think the most painful part will come a few days later when the bill comes in the mail and I see what it cost me to have them turn me into a pull toy. Wish me luck!

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