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The Four Minute Rule For A Happy Marriage – Brian’s Blog

Brian Gary and his Wife Kyla
Photo by Jenny Harding

I will confess that most weekday afternoons at 4, I watch the Dr. Phil Show. I lost my guy card earlier this week so I might as well come clean on this too. There are a lot of times that I watch and wish I could have my hour back, but sometimes I get some good advice that can actually help. Just the other day, he did a show about keeping a happy relationship and shared some advice that I think was very good.

The first few minutes a couple spends together at the end of the work day can set the tone for the rest of the evening. I know that I get home much earlier than my wife, and I will do my daily chores and sit around and wait for her arrival home from work. If she comes through the door angry and venting about what happened at work or didn’t happen at home, it tends to bring me down lower than a worm and I have trouble getting back up mentally. I am so affected by moods and energy. If I am hit with negativity, I have a tough time rebounding. I know that couples need to be there to be a sounding board for each other and let the steam off, but we also need some positive time too. Couples deserve the best of each other not just what is left after the rest of the world has us. Save your best for your friends and family.

Dr. Phil and his wife Robin have what they call the four minute rule. When they get home for the day, the first 4 minutes can only be spent loving, talking about good things and how happy they are to see each other or what good things happened in the day or what they are looking forward to; no complaining or drama can start until after 4 minutes has passed. It sets the tone for a happier evening. What a great idea. They say if they come home and the house is on fire they know they will put it out in 5 minutes but not until then. I love this. Try it in your home and see if the “four minute rule” can help you to a happier, healthier relationship.

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