I’m Brian Gary and I Am Out of the Darkness
I am finally back and it feels so good. I have been sharing my ongoing battle with mental health issues and I thought I would give you a wonderful update. As I wrote last week, I have had a very difficult few months dealing with the latest chapter of my life. I have had to face things and situations I did not ever dream would be happening. I was not winning.
I believe I got my mental wiring all messed up and had more wires attached to the negative post of my battery than I did the positive. It is amazing how much that can totally screw up your perspective on everything. I just could not break out of the darkness. Every time I would have something that would provide just a little spark, it seemed like someone grabbed the fuse with wet fingers and snuffed it out.
On Friday of last week, I had about had it. I was contemplating making some very major changes and needed a good drive to help me find clarity. My wife and I packed a picnic and hit the Peak to Peak highway to look at leaves. We found a dirt road in the middle of nowhere in the mountains and drove until we found a little spot on the side of the road to pull over. We got out and dropped the tailgate in middle on nothing but trees, rocks and animal droppings and set up a tailgate picnic. We did not say much as we ate. She knew I just needed to think and she let me be. It was there, in that mountain silence that I cast all my worries to the trees and asked for answers. I was overcome with a feeling of being lifted. I felt every little bit of what was irritating me leave my mind and body. I found a clarity and answers to all my questions. I had a direction and perspective that was completely different than I had before I sat on that tailgate.
I don't care who or what you pray to...it works. I feel when we throw our problems out there we find the answers. They live within us and we just need to focus to find all we need to get by. It lives inside of us but sometimes we need God, Mother Nature, The Great Pasta Monster or whatever you turn to, to help us find it in ourselves.
The clouds have lifted. The darkness came to light and I am alive. I may lose rounds but never a fight. The battle of depression and anxiety is real and never be afraid to ask for help. My wife and those trees were sent to me that day. Open yourself up and let it all in. I AM BACK!!