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Why I Could Never Be On Survivor – Todd’s Top Five Reasons!

The Tribe Has Spoken
Survivor, Facebook

I love watching Survivor! It is, by far, my favorite TV show.  However, I couldn’t be on the show.  There is no way.  The obvious reason is being away from my wife for a couple months would kill me.  I couldn’t do it.  There are other reasons too.  I have compiled the “Top 5 Reasons I Could Never Be On Survivor”.

5. The Food

First of all there is very little of it.  I am a big guy. I need to be fed. Sometimes they will go for a couple days without eating on the show. I couldn’t do that.  Then there are the nasty food challenges where they have to eat things that normal people wouldn’t eat like pig anuses or spoiled fish or cows blood and milk or seafood smoothies. No thanks!

Survivor Eating Challenge
Survivor, Facebook

4. I Don’t Like Being Wet & Cold

I don’t like being wet. I don’t like being cold. I especially don’t like being wet and cold at the same time.  They are constantly getting caught in rain storms and are always in the water and never seem to have adequate shelter or clothing.  You always see them shivering at night.  I wouldn’t want to have to spoon with some big hairy dude to keep warm.

2 Wet & Cold Survivors
Survivor: Philippines, Facebook

3.  I Don’t Like Getting Dirty

I like to go camping, but I like to camp in a campground that has running water and hot showers.  I really don’t like getting dirty and I especially don’t like staying dirty. I could not go for weeks without taking a shower.  Couldn’t go for more than a couple days without brushing my teeth or washing my hair.

Getting muddy during a challenge
Survivor: Philippines, Facebook

2. Bug Bites

The pictures says it all. Ouch! Biting and itching and scratching and bleeding! I’ve seen some seasons of Survivor where people were covered head to toe in bug bites.  If I am going to a tropical climate where I will be spending most of my time outside, please send a ginormous can of OFF with me.

Guy with bug bites on Survivor: Philippines
Survivor Philippines, Facebook

1. I Have To Have Lotion

Just living in the dry Colorado climate my hands and body are constantly robbed of their essential oils.  I can’t imagine being a situation where you are constantly in and out of salt water with the sun beating down on you with no way to moisturize your skin.  It may make me sound like a wussy girly man, but I need my lotion.  I would gladly give up my guy card for a bottle of lotion and last time I checked, Survivor contestants don’t get lotion. They don’t get Chapstick either.  Medieval!

Curel Lotion
Curel Lotion, Facebook

Survivor Caramoan -Fans vs Favorites returns to CBS on Wednesday, February 13th.  I will be there, but seriously,  I could never really be THERE!

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