The Toilet Toupee is One of the Great Mysteries of Married Life – Brian’s Blog

There are many mysteries in this world. Many of these mysteries have to do with the married woman their habits. We as men are perplexed by so many things you do and the rules that you have for us. We get confused as to what we can wipe our hands on and what soap we can use and which is just for decoration. The biggest mystery to me may be the 'toilet toupee', that scrap of carpet on top of our toilets.

I have never understood the purpose of this thing. Are we hiding the toilet making people think we just have lumpy carpet in the bathroom? The battle I have with this is that when it is placed on the toilet lid and you lift the lid, it slowly drops down. You have to perfectly balance it up and move very slowly or it will fall. I feel like one of those plate spinners who used to be on the Ed Sullivan Show whenever I attempt this. I will start to pee and then the seat starts to drop. You either have to cut off midstream, which is no easy task, or end up hosing down the bathroom like an out of control car wash wand. I think we need some kind of alternative here. We have a hard enough time in keeping things clean in there, from what you tell us, so let’s remove this obstacle. I say no more! I will no longer pee under a carpet.