The Most Redneck Scene Ever Took Place in Greeley Last Week

Once a week my hometown newspaper, the Greeley Tribune, puts together what they call their Crime Log. Basically they find the weirdest stuff that the cops encountered, and believe me there is a lot in the town over the previous week. This week, the most redneck sounding thing I have ever heard in my life. 

Obviously when they post these things in the crime log each week they don't put an exact address, but I would be willing to bet my last $50 bucks to my name that the one I am highlighting this week took place in one of Greeley's many fine trailer parks...

July 15th, 6 p.m.: A caller said her 70-year-old friend took a dog named Chilly Willy to a baby sitter and the baby sitter wouldn't give the dog back, and now her friend was crying. An officer contacted the friend, but the officer noted, “All she wanted to do is yell at me without her teeth in.”

First off, who names their dog Chilly Willy? Poor thing!! Secondly, why would you steal a 70-year-old woman's dog? And third, am I the only one who can't picture the last sentence of this log in my head without busting out into hysterics?

I imagine this is similar to what this incident looked like...

See the rest of the Crime Log here.