I Miss Plastic Grocery Bags: An Opinion Piece

Just last weekend, I had to be in Cheyenne for a softball tournament. But that's not what I'm writing about; hang with me for a sec. Naturally, being in Cheyenne, the weather got all weird, and the temperature went from hot to cold really fast. Still not what I'm getting at, but I'm almost there.

I took a trip up the road to a Target store to buy some sweatpants, a sports bra, and a heavy sweater, because my sexy days are long gone and I have no one to impress. Shoot, I went off the rails again. I promise my story is almost over.

Something happened to me that day at Target. A feeling I thought was long gone. The kind employee handed me my purchase IN A PLASTIC BAG.

That's right, you guys. Plastic grocery bags are still in use in the United States of AMERICA. Let me explain why this matters to me, and it should matter to you.

When someone looks you dead in the eye and asks if you want paper or plastic, they're really giving you a choice. Once I got married and had kids, choices all disappeared for me. I'm not trying to be dramatic, but my little family would rather eat McDonald's (their choice) than PF Chang's (my choice). So guess who's having a Big Mac for dinner and diarrhea from the hours of 2-5AM?

I am.

But this article isn't about my GI tract. It's about plastic bags in Northern Colorado and how I'm on the edge of rioting. Especially when I'm at the Walmart in Loveland, and they ask if I want a small, flimsy paper bag that will surely fall apart under the weight of so much ice cream.

Why did we lose plastic bags? I used to use them for all kinds of things, like bathroom trash liners and dog poop bags. If anything, I was helping the environment by using plastic bags in multiple ways? I'm not saying I deserve a medal in environmental Conservation, but I'm not saying I don't.

So how did we end up losing the bags? On January 1, 2023, the state of Colorado began charging per bag. Just a few cents. But that was a fair trade for luxury. And then exactly one year later, to the day, plastic bags were fully made illegal in the state.

Why?

I'm glad you asked. Lawmakers passed the Plastic Pollution Reduction Act or (HB21-1162), for my nerds out there.

So yes, it's a very small inconvenience to save the Earth. But don't you have to crack a few eggs to make an omelet?

You get what I'm saying?