My Daughter Has Been Telling Strangers My Cringy Secrets And We Need To Talk

Kids are narcs. Seriously. A few years ago, when Murphy was smaller, we were out to dinner, and our waitress had those really long nails. They looked like pointy claws. When she walked away, I very quietly said to myself, "How does she wipe?"

Murphy didn't even pretend to hear what I said, so I thought I was in the clear, but I was wrong. So wrong. When the waitress came over to ask us about our food, my child said to the waitress, "My mom wants to know how you wipe your butt with those nails."

She literally called me out by name. Needless to say, the poor waitress turned red and said, "I manage," which made me feel even more horrible.

After the waitress walked away, I had to ponder this moment. When did my kid become a dirty, dirty snitch? And was I really okay with having her in my home, creeping on me as I talk to myself?

It got me thinking about the things kids tell their teachers. You see, kids have no filter, so when she saw me cry while trying on swimsuits at Target, I can almost guarantee she told the school, as well as ninety-two percent of the rest of the faculty and the morning and afternoon bus drivers.

What's my point?

I'm pretty sure every parent has a story about their kids saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Like, how do you wipe your butt with those long nails? To a complete stranger. At dinner.

But give your kid the benefit of the doubt. Most younger children don't understand the fiery embarrassment we feel as adults when called out by our children.

It's wild.