Things Only Coloradoans Who Don’t Like Camping Will Understand
The idea of camping is always fun. The excitement builds as you get ready to go into the wild and then reality sets in. Here are some reasons only Coloradoans will understand about not liking camping.
THINGS ONLY COLORADOANS WHO DON'T LIKE CAMPING WILL UNDERSTAND:
- Camping is more work than a vacation
- Being in the middle of nowhere with no cell service
- Tents are dumb, and need more people than you have to set up. Usually collapse in the middle of the night.
- You're dirty all the time and you only brought water to drink, plus the nearest body of water (because someone decided to set up camp in the most remote location) is a hike, a tumble and a shin to a rock away.
- There are bugs everywhere and once you see one in your floppy tent, you feel them on you for the rest of the trip, swearing there is a tick implanted in your neck, head and where we should not talk about.
- You cannot help but think that you are a human egg roll as you lie in your sleeping bag, seemingly as bait for a bear.
- The night is darker than the darkest scene in the scariest movie you've ever seen.
- Not that you could sleep in because of the dirt, the rocks and the fear of bugs and bears, the sun rising in the middle of the freaking night won't let you.
- Trying to start a fire is almost impossible, even with a lighter, kindling and dry wood. We won't even get into keeping it lit should you actually accomplish this 'Fire God' task.
- You know what poisonous plants look like until you get there and they are all blended together and you have to pee.
- Even with your zero bag, three pairs of socks, two pairs of sweats, a tank top, a t-shirt and a hoodie, you are convinced you will freeze to death.
- Cooking on the cute little stove you bought at the outdoor store takes forever and your likely going to give someone food poison.
- And it all ends with someone's great idea to hike to the river, five hundred miles away, before packing up to go home. And you all complain, cry and just sit there hoping the 'Camping Gods' will magically put everything back together, cleaned and neatly in your vehicle.
It's possible that anyone who camps anywhere may feel this way, but camping in Colorado is a lot different than camping in Nebraska-nuff said.