The Last First for D Dennison (Since the Death of her Two Youngest Children): Mother’s Day! [PICTURES]

I went into the day with no expectations, it was to be quite a day. Good or bad I was ready to take it head on.

My day started with a cup of coffee, a yellow butterfly buzzing around the yard (believe it or not, butterflies are suppose to be my sign that the little people are near) and an amazing shower (just got a new shower/bathroom once it's painted I'll show you) and then my beautiful Natasha showed up with a bouquet of balloons and presents.

What a beautiful wind chime, I love the way that the bamboo sounds in the wind.

We then moved on to brunch, it was really nice to have My James, Zachariah, Natasha and Kale (Natasha's best friend that has been part of our family for about 6 years). We went to Bacco Mediterranean Restaurant, one our new favorites in Fort Collins. We just sat, ate and talked and talked and talked. This is the kind of meal where the conversation becomes more important than your surroundings. We enjoyed each other, told stories of Ashley and Colton, and tried to look forward with a warm heart. Some tears were shed and a lot of love was shared.

After brunch we went to the nursery, also an annual tradition. This I thought might be the hardest part as last year it was just Ashley, Colton and I. James was out of the country and both Zachariah and Natasha had to work. As I walked through the annuals seeking the perfect flowers for my annual pot this year, I could almost hear Colton three rows over saying "Hey Mom, Mom, Mom what about this one" and Ashley telling him "No, Colton" She was the official flower judge and would give a strong opinion good or bad about mine or Colton's selections.

Zachariah and Natasha didn't fail me... they acted the same way, I remembered when they were younger and complaining about how long we were at the nursery. They helped me so much and made this a positive experience; they really stood up and carried me through this last first called Mothers Day. I am so grateful that I have them and My James.

Once we completed our selections and together chose a great combo for my annual flower pot, we headed out back to the house to unwind, relax and talk some more.

For Dinner Zachariah grilled brats and we all sat on the porch and enjoyed being together. I will never stop missing My Ashley and Colton, everyone knows that, but when these two living children of mine step up so tall and shower me with so much attention I feel like I might be able to make it.

I am not going to say that okay all first(s) are over and I am healed and back to normal, because I'm not and from what I can tell, I will never be back to the normal I had before Ashley and Colton died. But with that said, I am settling into my new normal and trying to make a go at it. I hope to get to a point where the echos of Ashley and Colton in my life will bring me nothing but joy, right now it's a mixed bag, sometimes I smile and sometimes I break down and cry like a baby. One echo can create both responses.

There are a few thing's on my plate that will create complete sadness and others that will create a weird moment of pride, joy and loss. I will be blessed to witness the dedication of a bench for Ashley and Colton at Rocky Mountain High School. I will present the first ever Ashley Award at the Convocation of the class of 2013, I will mourn my Ashley, the would-be Senior on graduation day and still have to face the 1st anniversary of their deaths. But I am strong, I am a survivor and  I am the proud mommy of Zachariah, Natasha, Ashley and Colton and always will be.

Thank you as always for being a part of my journey.