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The Hungry Fat Man And The Expired Gas Station Burrito – Brian’s Blog

burrito from hell
Brian Gary, TSM

I have taken some risks in my life. I have bungee jumped, swam in a huge aquarium with catfish, rode motorcycle to Kansas to take on the heathens at the WetBurro Baptist Cult, drove in the demo derby and many other risky activities but may have taken my biggest risk the other night.

I was at home and feeling the hunger pains bad. I opened the fridge to see a gas station burrito left over from a convenience store run a few days before. There was a 2 for 1 special and the free one was still sitting there looking at me and pleading to be eaten. I checked the expiration date and it had died 3 days earlier but being the risk taker I am, I decided to give it a shot. 90 seconds later I was feasting on an expired buffet of mystery meat, beans and chilies. All seemed fine until 12:30 am when my stomach woke me with a sound similar to an old dial up modem. I ran to the porcelain library and sat down where I stayed until 4:15 am debating if I could make it to work or not. The air bags on the toilet were engaged at about 4 am which woke me, as I had passed out from the physical torture my $1.50 had bought me. I made it to work just on time yesterday and am still in day 2 of recovery. I am still rather unsettled and still afraid of taking in any substances at all for fear of rejection. I have learned a valuable lesson…always have someone else in the family try the expired food before you do.

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