This is an open letter to strangers, friends and family in regards to thinking you are entitled to an opinion on us having children. You don't!

A Baby
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Dear cashier,

I’m not sorry for my comment I made to you this weekend. You might have thought it was harsh and albeit rude, but it was warranted. If your comment didn’t seem like it was rude, you might want to strongly reconsider what you are saying before opening your mouth.

What happened? Let me tell ya…

Over the weekend I stopped at a store and picked up a few things, then headed for the checkout stand. A woman was waiting for me at the register and as I began setting my items down there was the typical small talk being made. You know, the typical “this weather is horrible today” or “any plans for the weekend” small talk. The subject of being married came up. That is when I knew the conversation was more than likely going to take a massive turn for the worse as it usually does because I know what questions are coming right after. These questions are the ones that are slightly uncomfortable and intrusive enough coming from friends and family, who mean well, but in a prying into your personal life too far meaning well. Coming from a complete stranger they are even worse.

“Do you have kids?” is the immediate question following the question about marriage and “We have two dogs and that is more than enough for us” is my response 99% of the time.

Then the dreaded question “when are you going to have kids?” comment almost always comes up and I simply say “we don’t plan to at this point in time”. Sometimes it gets dropped with an awkward silence and a balance totaling the purchase, I pay then and I go on my merry way. Other times, which are few and far between, both myself and my wife get the “why not?” response. This is where you, the stranger, get entirely too intrusive. Simply put, you don’t need to know because it is none of your damn business.

This cashier that has prompted me to write this asked that question. I answered uncomfortably “like I said, it’s something that we don’t plan on doing” thinking that was going to be the end of the subject, it wasn’t…

Then the words “well… That’s kind of selfish of you… Kids are great,” in a snappy undertone came out of her mouth with a judgmental glare shot at me. This is when something came over me… It was almost as if the brain to mouth filter said “later dude, you got this one” and went off on a coffee break right as my reply came out my mouth… “If you think I give a damn what a random stranger’s unwanted opinion is about our decision on whether to reproduce or not, you’re sorely mistaken lady.”  She was taken back to say the least. I stood there for maybe a half of a second, grabbed the items I purchased and walked out… But it felt like hours in between the comment, grabbing my bag and walking to the exit. Maybe she thought she was going to sway my opinion by the commentary while buying a can of spray paint or maybe she was trying to guilt me into the joys of being a parent. I don’t know what she was trying to accomplish, but I do know that her comment was uncalled for.

What if I was one of the many people out there who cannot have children due to their or their spouse’s inability to not have children? You know… That biological sciencey stuff? This is not the case for us, but there are many, many people out there that have to deal with this daily and I would assume that it’s easier to say we don’t want kids rather than go into detail of why you cannot have kid. Those people who have tried and cannot do not want to tell you or anyone why they cannot have children. Now, call me crazy if you will, but I would imagine that it would be a very emotional subject. The topic at hand with some random stranger making small talk, hell, even friends and family members, the very last they issue they want to discuss. For me, it comes in right below politics and bowel movements… Yep, this subject is right there at the very bottom of the “Things I Don’t Want to Talk About” list.

We made a choice. Our plans for us as a family do not include children. Please respect our decision.

Let’s talk about her comment. Is it selfish? Maybe… But it is our choice, not yours! Friends, family and yes, even you chatty strangers manning the registers in the stores, hear those of us that choose not to have children and feel we don’t need a reason as to why to give you. We certainly don’t want or need any guilt trips or persuasion of how awesome and life fulfilling having a kid has been. They will not make us change our minds. If we decide to eventually have children, that is a decision that is going to come from us, as a couple, not you. Talk about something else or save your breath if we’ve told you WE DON’T PLAN ON IT. You’re not going to change our mind, plain and simple.

This is last thought is geared more to the friends and family who think it is cute to constantly keep bringing up the subject after we’ve told you that we are not going to have children, let me be the bearer of bad news… It’s not! You come off as rude, intrusive and not understanding to our personal life choices. We are completely happy where we are, I promise you that much.

 

Sincerely,

Matt Sparx and everyone else who doesn't want kids

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