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How A Belch Can Predict The Next President

Barack Obama And Mitt Romney Participate In Second Presidential Debate
John Moore, Getty Images

It seems everyone has a way of predicting the election. Convenience stores have the coffee cups with the candidates on them and some have even said the sales of men’s underwear can determine who will win. There are polls after polls giving us expert opinions but all you really need is a carbonated beverage and good belch.

We have a family history of voting for whichever candidate has the most belchable name. I encourage you to try this yourselves. Last election Barrack Obama was a much smoother belch than John McCain. Any belchologist will tell you that. George Bush was a stronger belching name than Al Gore. You can look back in history and see this theory has held up through the years. Some of our past presidents had the best belching names. Try ripping a Van Buren, Cleveland, Taft or Buchanan…classic. Eisenhower was one of the best belching presidential names we have ever had.

If my system remains correct Obama will win again simply based on the fact that his first name is one of the best belching names ever. I have been practicing blasting a Romney or two but it doesn’t flow quite as freely. So I predict another Obama win. Grab a can and hold your own primary tonight.

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