D Shares an Email: Tips for Rednecks
January 14, 2013 11:54 AM A family friend sends me random emails about random stuff, some are jokes, some are great recipes and cooking ideas and some, well are a little Redneck.
I met Pat about seven years ago, she is the childhood friend of my mother in-law and she is a hoot, not too much unlike my wacky mother in-law. (I sure can tell how they’ve remained friends for over 60 years.
Both Pat and Pat (yes, my mother in-law is also named Pat) send me some crazy wild jokes, some I can’t even share-yep, they have spunk. I love to see email from these women as they brighten my day, make me reflect and remind me I’m loved.
This morning I opened my email to find a little email present from Pat, the family friend, Pat.
MARTHA STEWART’S TIPS FOR REDNECKS:
- Never take a beer with you to an interview
- A centerpiece for the dining table should never be something from the Taxidermist
- Do not allow your dog to sit at the table, no matter how good his manners are
- When cleaning your ears, do this in private with your own keys
- Even if you live alone, deodorant is not a waste of good money
- Always offer to bait your dates hook, especially if its the first date
- At the movies, don’t talk to the characters on the screen, research has proved that they can’t hear you
- When you are at a wedding, kissing the bride for longer than 5 seconds could get you shot
- Should you be driving down the road dim your headlights for oncoming cars, even if the gun is loaded and the deer is in sight
- Never tow another car using panty hose or duct tape
- When you send your wife down the road with a gas can, it is not nice to ask her to bring you back a beer
Just a little humor to get you through your Monday, thanks to Pat!
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