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Comfy Couch: When Does Needing Some Space Turn into Goodbye?

It’s always a question that is hard to answer. Each situation is so unique that a blanket time frame will rarely fit more than one case.

When to Say Goodbye
maplessinseattle, flickr

When love is so powerful that you can’t let go, maybe you shouldn’t. No one should ever be in a relationship that is abusive… physically… mentally… emotionally. I am talking about the love affairs that get interrupted by life and baggage. I don’t like how baggage is often the butt of a joke when people talk of relationships and him or her bringing too much baggage into the union. Baggage is a real issue that is shared by many people. If you have ever had more than one relationship in your life then guess what, you bring baggage to the new relationship.

portable baggage:

  • Abandonment
  • Trust
  • Fear (of not being good enough)
  • Hypersensitivity
  • Paranoia
  • Jealousy
  • Etc..

Each of these ‘baggage’ traits alone are detrimental enough, but unfortunately we will have a tendency to have more than just one of them that we lug around and bring into new beginnings… yes, new beginnings. When an old relationship ends and a new one begins we always fool ourselves and our mate that it is just that, but as long as our luggage rack is full, well, there is no such thing.

Baggage isn’t a reason to stay away from love, but its an important factor to remember when the little doubts add up and seem too much to conquer. Remember that they are there… remember that this new person didn’t pack your luggage and typically only occasionally resemble the past, but your baggage will tell you they are the same and NO different. I merely say, hold on a second longer than your fear is telling you to. Many times the way we act is because of our baggage and our denial of it. Or our failure to recognize it in ourselves. Some traits resemble things that just aren’t true… abandonment can disguise itself as control… insecurities as jealousy… and so on.

The only person that knows what you feel… how you feel when you are together with your new mate… is you. Others, just like you will misinterpret the signs of baggage… if it hurts or is uncomfortable… if you are afraid for yourself that is one thing… but if you are confused because they have traits that may or may not resemble your past, pause… take a break, but don’t give up too quickly. Chances are your heart has hurt before, you know the real thing- stop listening to your friends, the mailman and your cashier at the grocery store-listen to YOUR head… YOUR heart… everyone will have an opinion, yours will always only be the one that matters.

Please remember that no one should ever be physically, mentally, emotionally abused. No harm should come to you in love and if its uncomfortable it is likely a wrong fit and goodbye should come sooner than later. Trust your gut and your sensibilities.

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