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Brian Does His Best Susan Moore Impression – Brian’s Blog

Brian Post Surgery
Brian Gary, TSM

On vacation I decided I was going to be more like Susan Moore. Susan seems to always be getting into accidents that require medical attention so I thought I would try to look like her. I didn’t get kicked by a horse or anything. I actually did this on purpose.

I have this condition where my eyelashes grow into my eyeball. When I was a kid I stepped on a rake to see if it would pop up and hit you in the face like in cartoons. Guess what? It did! It hit me so hard that it killed the muscle that hold the eyelash in place. I have battled this all my life. I have had a droopy eyelid with lashes going into my eyeball forever and it was time to get it fixed. I went in to have some of my eyelid cut out and have my eyelash flipped up and stitched in place.

As with any surgical procedure, I needed to fast the night before until after the surgery. As we were in the prep room waiting to be rolled in for the operation they turned on the TV. I was starved from not eating and of course the show they put on was The Chew. How cruel. They put me in a wonderful drunk-like state and rolled me in for the cutting. While I was laying there on the table I could hear the sound of disco music. They were having a disco party while they operated on me. At one point I heard the Average White Band’s “Play That Funky Music” which features a chorus that sings “…and play that funky music till you die. Till you die. Till you die.” I mentioned that I thought that was a little trippy to hear that song, be doped up and see a guy in white mask looking down at me. I think I heard laughter.

I was told not to lift anything or do anything to make my face red for 3 weeks. I made the mistake of eating Mexican food after the surgery, got sick and puked until my eye bled. I am so stupid. The surgery went great though and I look forward to being able to see without lashes scratching across my eyeball. I was wiped out for a few days. I admit it. I am not nearly as tough as Susan.

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